Sanford Braver’s Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths challenges widely held misconceptions about divorced fathers. Through twelve years of meticulous research, Braver conducted interviews with numerous families, ensuring he heard both sides of the divorce equation. His research uncovered significant biases in previous studies, revealing that many stereotypes about divorced dads, such as being deadbeats or emotionally detached, are inaccurate. This groundbreaking work reshapes the conversation around divorced fathers, urging readers to reconsider their perceptions of men post-divorce.
In his study, Braver focused on fathers to understand why myths about divorced dads persist. His goal wasn’t initially to disprove these myths but rather to understand why they exist and how previous research contributed to their creation. By conducting a thorough analysis, he challenged the notion that divorced fathers are neglectful and highlighted the societal and emotional struggles they face post-divorce. His work sheds light on a more balanced and nuanced understanding of divorced fathers, urging policymakers and professionals to rethink custody and support systems.
Deadbeat Fathers Myth: Many studies claim divorced dads don’t pay child support, but Braver found that this is often a misrepresentation due to incomplete data.
Runaway Dad’s Myth: Fathers are often depicted as abandoning their children, but Braver’s research showed most dads want to maintain relationships.
Myth of Financial Ruin for Ex-Wives: Society believes fathers leave their ex-wives destitute, yet Braver demonstrated that both parties usually suffer financially post-divorce.
Divorce Favors Father’s Myth: It’s commonly thought that men benefit more from divorce, but Braver’s interviews with both parties show women are more satisfied with settlements.
Emotional Detachment Myth: The belief that fathers are emotionally detached after divorce is false; Braver’s research shows many struggle emotionally.
Fathers as Primary Instigators Myth: Contrary to the notion that fathers initiate most divorces, Braver found this to be largely untrue.
Methodological Flaws in Prior Research: Braver exposed flaws in earlier studies that failed to interview both parents, contributing to biased results.
Child Support Data Misrepresentation: Many studies lump divorced and never-married fathers together, distorting the true rate of child support payments.
Shared Financial Struggles Post-Divorce: Braver found that both parents experience financial strain after divorce, not just mothers.
Challenging Lenore Weitzman’s Research: Braver disputed Weitzman’s claim that women’s living standards drop 73% after divorce, exposing flaws in her calculations.
Lenore Weitzman’s research on divorce, particularly the claim that women’s standard of living declines 73% post-divorce, has faced significant criticism. Below are 10 points highlighting inaccuracies in her work, supported by verifiable explanations:
- Data Calculation Errors
Weitzman admitted to calculation mistakes in her 73% figure. Her raw data didn’t support this claim.- Reference: Braver, S. L., & O’Connell, D. (1998). Divorced dads: Shattering the myths.
- Misinterpretation of Financial Data
Weitzman lumped different types of family structures together, distorting post-divorce financial outcomes for women. - Reference: Weitzman, L. (1985). The Divorce Revolution.
- Failure to Account for Fathers’ Financial Losses
Her study focused only on women’s financial declines, ignoring men’s significant financial losses post-divorce. - Reference: Braver, S. L., & O’Connell, D. (1998). Divorced dads: Shattering the myths.
- Overgeneralization of Findings
Weitzman’s findings were based on specific, small samples, yet she generalized them across all divorced populations. - Reference: Weitzman, L. (1985). The Divorce Revolution.
- Inflated Figures on Child Support Payments
Her research claimed low child support payments, but later reviews showed higher rates than she reported. - Reference: Weitzman, L. (1985). The Divorce Revolution.
- Failure to Disclose Discrepancies in Data
Weitzman’s initial research didn’t disclose significant discrepancies between reported and actual data. - Reference: Braver, S. L., & O’Connell, D. (1998). Divorced dads: Shattering the myths.
- Unsupported Claims on Women’s Poverty
Her work exaggerated claims that divorce pushes most women into poverty, which later studies didn’t confirm. - Reference: Weitzman, L. (1985). The Divorce Revolution.
- Neglect of Men’s Financial Contributions Post-Divorce
Weitzman didn’t consider divorced fathers’ ongoing financial support to ex-wives and children. - Reference: Braver, S. L., & O’Connell, D. (1998). Divorced dads: Shattering the myths.
- Selective Use of Data
She selectively used data supporting her thesis, ignoring cases where both parents faced financial hardship equally. - Reference: Braver, S. L., & O’Connell, D. (1998). Divorced dads: Shattering the myths.
- Revised Figures Contradict Initial Claims
When confronted, Weitzman revised her figures, admitting a mistake in her original 73% drop claim. - Reference: Braver, S. L., & O’Connell, D. (1998). Divorced dads: Shattering the myths.
- Misinterpretation of Financial Data
- Reference: Braver, S. L., & O’Connell, D. (1998). Divorced dads: Shattering the myths.
These inaccuracies highlight the need for critical evaluation of widely accepted research findings.
Society’s Need for a Scapegoat: Braver argues that the “deadbeat dad” myth persists because society needs a scapegoat for divorce’s emotional toll. Only 6% to 7% of fathers fit the true definition of a deadbeat dad.
40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the father’s visitation to punish their ex-spouse. [“Frequency of Visitation” by Sanford Braver, American Journal of Orthopsychiatry]
50% of mothers see no value in the father’s continued contact with his children. (Surviving the Breakup” by Joan Berlin Kelly)
50% of fathers describe themselves as totally alienated from their children (research by F4J SA 2019)
24% of fathers describe themselves as partially alienated from their children (research by F4J SA 2019)
85% to 90% of parental Alienation Syndrome is perpetrated by mothers according to Dr Pinki Du Toit of the Synovil Centre South Africa
92% of children are automatically awarded to the mother – responding affidavit in the VOn Ginkel. Louw et al case before the equality court in South Africa circa 2010
The Importance of Joint Legal Custody (Correctly known as Contact and Care in South Africa): Braver advocates for joint legal custody to ensure both parents remain involved in their children’s lives.
Rebuttable Presumption of Custody(Correctly known as Contact and Care in South Africa): He suggests a rebuttable presumption of joint custody, except in cases of abuse or neglect.
Emotional Impact on Fathers: Braver’s findings reveal that fathers suffer emotionally just as much, if not more, than mothers post-divorce.
The Myth of Divorce as a Male Escape: The assumption that fathers use divorce to escape responsibilities is false; many fathers want continued involvement.
Non-Adversarial Divorce Processes: Braver recommends non-adversarial divorce proceedings to minimize conflict and focus on the children’s best interests.
Early Divorce Education: He emphasizes the need for early education to help divorcing parents navigate the emotional and legal complexities.
Bias in Custody Decisions: Braver’s work shows that many custody decisions are biased against fathers, despite evidence of their involvement.
Program for Divorced Fathers: Braver developed the “Dads for Life” program, which supports fathers in maintaining relationships with their children post-divorce.
Policy Implications: Braver’s research calls for reforms in divorce law to ensure fairness for fathers and to better serve children’s needs.
Rebuttable Presumption of Custody: Definition and Impact (Correctly known as Contact and Care in South Africa)
Rebuttable presumption of custody (Correctly known as Contact and Care in South Africa) refers to the legal assumption that joint custody is in the best interest of a child unless proven otherwise. In legal terms, it means both parents are presumed to share custody equally after divorce or separation, but this presumption can be challenged, or “rebutted,” if there is evidence that joint custody would harm the child. Typical reasons for rebutting joint custody include instances of abuse, neglect, or other harmful factors that could negatively affect the child.
This legal concept is rooted in the belief that children benefit from having both parents actively involved in their lives unless there are valid reasons to limit one parent’s involvement. Sanford Braver advocates for a rebuttable presumption of joint custody in his research, highlighting its potential benefits for families and society.
Legal
From a legal standpoint, the rebuttable presumption of joint custody (Correctly known as Contact and Care in South Africa)shifts the default position in family courts to favor shared parental responsibilities. Currently, courts often assume one parent, typically the mother, is the primary caregiver, and fathers must prove their ability to share custody. With a rebuttable presumption, fathers and mothers are seen as equal caregivers unless there’s evidence of abuse, neglect, or unfitness.
For fathers, this presumption means they no longer need to fight for shared custody but are automatically given equal consideration. It ensures that both parents start on an equal footing during custody decisions, which could streamline court proceedings and reduce the adversarial nature of family law.
Psychological
Psychologically, this presumption supports the emotional needs of children and parents. Research shows that children generally thrive when they maintain strong relationships with both parents post-divorce. A rebuttable presumption acknowledges the importance of both parents in a child’s life and minimizes the negative impact of separation.
For fathers, this psychological validation can reduce feelings of alienation, as they are recognized as equally important in their child’s life. It can foster stronger bonds between fathers and children, as fathers are more likely to stay involved without legal obstacles to custody.
For mothers, while this shift may seem challenging, it can reduce the overwhelming burden often placed on single mothers as the sole caregivers. Shared responsibility allows mothers more balance between personal and parental duties.
Emotional
Emotionally, a rebuttable presumption of joint custody(Correctly known as Contact and Care in South Africa) can bring a sense of fairness and justice to fathers, mothers, and children. For fathers, who often feel sidelined in custody disputes, this presumption offers emotional reassurance that they will not be excluded from their children’s lives.
Children benefit emotionally by having continuous access to both parents. Research has shown that children are less likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, or behavioral issues when they have the emotional support of both parents.
For mothers, the emotional impact can be mixed. While it may lessen the burden of being the primary caregiver, it could also challenge the traditional idea that mothers are more critical to a child’s upbringing. However, it encourages both parents to share in the emotional and physical responsibilities of raising children.
Impact on Fathers, Children, Mothers, Families, and Society
- Fathers: The primary benefit for fathers is gaining equal custody rights without needing to prove their competence. Fathers will no longer have to struggle against biases that favor mothers. It allows fathers to maintain meaningful relationships with their children, which can improve their well-being and mental health.
- Children: Children benefit the most from joint custody arrangements, as they maintain close relationships with both parents. This promotes emotional stability and psychological development. They are less likely to feel abandoned by either parent and can grow up in a balanced, supportive environment.
- Mothers: While some mothers may initially find joint custody challenging, it can ultimately relieve the pressure of being the primary caregiver. Sharing parenting responsibilities enables mothers to pursue career opportunities or personal development while still being active in their child’s life.
- Families: Families as a whole can become less adversarial with joint custody presumptions. Fewer battles over who gets custody can lead to less emotional strain on the family unit, promoting healthier co-parenting dynamics.
- Society: On a societal level, the presumption of joint custody supports gender equality by recognizing that both parents are equally responsible for their children. It challenges traditional gender roles and promotes balanced parenting. Additionally, children raised in joint custody arrangements are more likely to grow into well-adjusted adults, which benefits society at large by reducing behavioral issues and promoting emotional stability.
Benefits for Fathers
- Equal contact and care Rights: Fathers no longer need to prove their right to equal custody; it is presumed.
- Reduced Legal Battles: Fathers face fewer legal hurdles, reducing the emotional and financial toll of custody disputes.
- Strengthened Father-Child Relationships: Fathers have greater opportunities to be present in their children’s lives, fostering stronger emotional bonds.
- Emotional Validation: Fathers feel less marginalized in the legal system and more empowered as active parents.
- Better Psychological Health: Involvement in children’s lives positively impacts fathers’ mental health, reducing feelings of isolation.
- Fairer Treatment in Courts: Fathers are viewed as equal caregivers rather than secondary or optional.
- Improved Co-Parenting: Fathers and mothers are encouraged to collaborate more effectively in raising their children.
- Reduced Bias: The presumption challenges the gender bias in family law, promoting equality between mothers and fathers.
- Long-Term Parent-Child Bonds: Fathers who maintain regular contact with their children post-divorce are more likely to have long-lasting relationships.
- Enhanced Role in Decision-Making: Fathers gain more authority and involvement in critical decisions regarding their children’s upbringing.
A rebuttable presumption of joint contact and care is a progressive legal framework that addresses longstanding inequalities in custody arrangements. It benefits fathers by granting them equal legal standing in custody decisions, improves children’s emotional and psychological well-being by ensuring both parents are actively involved and promotes healthier family dynamics. For mothers, it offers a balanced approach to parenting, reducing their overwhelming responsibility as primary caregivers. Society, in turn, benefits from raising children in more supportive, less adversarial environments, promoting gender equality and stronger familial bonds.
Conclusion
Sanford Braver’s Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths challenges entrenched societal beliefs about divorced fathers. His research shows that many stereotypes, such as the “deadbeat dad” or the emotionally distant father, are unfounded. Through interviews with both parties in divorce, Braver debunked myths about fathers’ financial, emotional, and custodial roles post-divorce. His findings call for significant changes in how society views and supports divorced dads. Joint custody, early divorce education, and non-adversarial divorce processes are crucial steps to ensure both parents remain involved in their children’s lives. Braver’s work highlights the need for a fairer, more balanced approach to divorce, benefiting not only fathers but also their children and ex-wives.
References
Braver, S. L., & O’Connell, D. (1998). Divorced dads: Shattering the myths. TarcherPerigee.
Contact Information for The Official Fathers 4 Justice South Africa:
- WhatsApp: 066 331 8972
- Email: info@f4j.co.za
- Website: Fathers 4 Justice SA
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