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Fathers-4-Justice South Africa
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September 7, 2010, 2:23 am |
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Website Links |
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Important info |
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FAQs |
Herewith my story
21/01/2007 We broke up and my ex wife chased me out of our Home in Petit Benoni. I went to stay with my brother in Boksburg.
My ex wife informed me a week later that she has moved (and sold all our belongings – without my knowledge or consent) to her mother’s house in Hammanskraal.
For 2 months I was not able to see my children, because her mother didn’t want me near their property.
Meanwhile I found out that my eldest son, was not living with his mother, but with her sister in Benoni and that he still attended the same school. (She lied about his whereabouts) I immediately visited him at the school’s aftercare in Boksburg, when I found out. My ex wife found out about this and removed him from the school and relocated him to Carletonville (Where her other sister lives) This was done without my consent or knowledge at the time.
End of March 2007 I went to visit my children in Hammanskraal . I was only allowed to see the youngest two I was then informed that my eldest is in Carletonville. My ex wife blackmailed me and said if I do not pay her money – I cannot see my children. On these visits to Hammanskraal my ex wife insisted that I take them to restaurants and “treat” them, even though she knew that I was unemployed. I visited my youngest children 3 times under these circumstances whilst my ex wife still refused me access to my eldest son.
In June 2007 I phoned to speak to my children again and was informed that they have moved to Tzaneen with my children. Again this was done without my prior knowledge or concent.
For 6 months I couldn’t see my children at all, because she moved so far away (700 km – Round Trip) She said that I am allowed to see them, but only under her supervision and only for a day – I could not take them home for a weekend or holiday. This was very unreasonable.
December 2007 my ex wife agreed that my children can visit me for 2 weeks, except the youngest, which she only allowed me to take him for the 2 weekends during the 2 weeks.
Beginning of 2008 I was allowed to see my children on a regular basis (1 or 2 weekends per month) as she moved back to Hammanskraal.
4 September 2008 my divorce was finalized.
16 November 2008 was the last time I was allowed to have any access to my children for that year, because I got married on 20 November 2008 and once she knew this – ALL access to my children was denied. When I tried to phone – she would not answer, the children would be sleeping or the children would conveniently not be there with her. All my efforts were futile. Twice I even bought a cellphone for my son – but he was not allowed to use it. When my wife gave my eldest son a contract – my ex wife abused it and used all the airtime (It was MTN Top-up) When I confronted her – she said that she used it to find work. When we gave him a prepaid phone – the phone was always switched off and my son says that my ex wife forbid him to use it.
When I eventually was able to speak to them (which was very seldom) she would always start an argument and control what the children should and shouldn’t say.
11 December 2008 I requested to see the children, but she refused. I told her that she was disobeying a court order – She just laughed.
I went to the Hammanskraal Police Station and the Police escorted me to my ex wife’s place of residence. My ex wife and her parents swore at us and chased us off the property. My ex wife informed me that I have NO RIGHTS to the children and “reasonable access” according to her is a phone call and not physical access. She refused that I see the children.
17 December 2008 I made use of an attorney to send her a letter reminding her of my right to access
She still refused access. During the December 2008 Holidays I tried on numerous occasions to phone the children, but my phone calls were not answered. When she eventually answered I was denied access to the children.
On numerous occasions since the breakup – she threatened to take the children and disappear and for a while I was intimidated by this, but I did some investigation and was informed about my rights.
14 January 2009 (19:36) I contacted my ex wife again and was allowed to speak to the children. My eldest was very distant and told me that they are not allowed to say that they miss me.
After this phone call – any attempts I made to speak to them was futile.
During this time, I tried to consult a number of legal entities for help – but to no avail – I did not have the financial resources to hire a lawyer or attorney, let alone a High Court application to enforce my rights.
21 March 2009 After Many attempt to get access, I eventually went back to Hammanskraal Police station. The inspector phoned my ex wife and she still refused access so he told her that I will be completing the relevant paper work, because she is in deliberately disobeying a Court Order. While I was busy completing the forms, her Manager phoned and spoke to me. He said that she is in tears and asked if we could please sort this out amicably. I agreed and took the Court Order and Settlement to him. While I was in his office with my ex wife, he phoned his lawyer and the lawyer said that she doesn’t have the right to refuse me access. She then agreed that I could see the children every second weekend.
During the April 2009 Holiday period – I was only allowed to have my children from 3 April 2009 (at 15:00) until 5 April 2009 (at 16:00), not for the whole holiday.
I was allowed to see my children every second weekend
17 July 2009 – Access was refused again. I then opened a case at the Hammanskraal Police Station.
After this occurrence – I was all of a sudden allowed access again. Because of this I told the Inspector to not continue, because I thought that she had come to her senses and realised that she could not just disobey a Court Order.
I did not have my children the school holiday (24 September 2009 – 4 October 2009) prior to the December 2009 Holiday.
I was employed by at a company on a contract basis on the 15th of October 2009. I work on a project and we work extended hours and weekends. My wife communicated this to my ex wife on the 30th of November 2009 and even attached a letter from my employer confirming my working hours. I only have one weekend off per month and she refuses that anyone else fetches the children. Hence I can only fetch the children once a month.
My working hours are from 7H00 t0 17H30 Monday to Saturday, but even with the letter from my employer she insists that I fetch the children at 15H00 on the Friday and return them the Sunday at 16H00. My wife tried to reason with her, because my work is of such a nature that I cannot easily take time off, but she refused.
She tried again to refuse me access during the December 2009 School Holidays and wanted to know EVERYTHING (When, Where, With Whom, How long etc) about our planned holiday. We humoured her and gave her all the details. She gave us permission to take the children for the first half of the holiday. She also gave permission for THIS TIME ONLY to let my wife fetch the children. I had the children from 15 December 2009 until 1 January 2010.
29 January 2010 I had my children from 29 January 2010 (15:00) until 31 January (16:00)
24 February 2010 Our vehicle went in for Clutch and Pressure plate replacement at a Gearbox Repair Centre. The repair took longer than they estimated and the vehicle was only fixed on Saturday. They promised that the vehicle will be ready in time for me to collect my children, but while I was waiting there – they informed me that they experienced another setback and the vehicle will not be fixed in time – I immediately informed my ex wife and apologized, she was very upset and rude. I was very disappointed, because I really looked forward to seeing my children.
As you can see:
My ex wife had the children for the April 2009 holidays and the holiday (24 September 2009 – 4 October 2009) before the December 2009 school holiday. Thus it should be my turn to have my children.
I have planned a birthday party for my daughter on the 3rd of April 2010, because according the settlement and if you work it out – It is my Holiday with them. According to her all 3 children are going for tonsil operations during the holidays and I offered to take the children for the operations at the hospital, but she still refuses to give me the details. – Surely I have a right as the father to be informed of this??
My wife has included the children on our medical aid (effective 1 March 2010) – there are no waiting periods, but my ex wife still wants to take them to a Government Hospital.
My ex wife refuses me the right to be properly involved in my children’s lives, she withholds important information about schools, operations, or when the children are ill or hurt etc. (She doesn’t even want me to have a copy of the report card)
The children are forced to lie and I do not want my children to be used as pawns or as part of a vendetta.
Please could you advise on what I can do to obtain regular telephone contact with my children. I am prepared to buy another cell phone for my eldest son, but how can I make sure that the phone will be on and that I am able to phone him – “say between 17:00 and 19:00”? I also do not want her to abuse his airtime, for personal reasons or just plain spitefulness....
I was in arrears with maintenance (because I was unemployed), but I am paying monthly the calculated amount and extra (as agreed with the Maintenance Court in Pretoria North) to catch up on the arrears.
Thanks for all your assistance.
Have her locked up if she refuses access. As for the telephone contact, unless the court order clearly stipulates that, how can you force her to ensure the kids are close to a phone? Either another court order, or go the police route for that as well.
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