Is there a joining fee?
F4J is a Voluntary Association which is not-for-profit. None of us gets paid at all, and we all offer our time voluntarily.
But we do have to fund some expenses eg. website updating, website hosting, fax, PC's, etc.
For that reason we appreciate a donation from a parent making use of what we have to offer.
Any amount, big or small. No fixed membership fees are payable.
And you can deduct the donation from your income tax!
Is F4J a men's movement or do you also help females?
We are not a men's movement.
We are only interested in promoting the rights of children to enjoy and benefit from loving relationships with significant adults in their lives.
As such we assist fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents and even the children themselves.
I want to know how is maintenance calculated and how much maintenance I should pay. Shouldn't the mother contribute as well? Shouldn't the school fees get paid from the monthly maintenance? What can I do to review the maintenance?
Maintenance calculation is easy. All the child's expenses are added up (portion of the rent, food, electricity, maid, clothes, school, medical, extra-mural activities, etc). If it is mom and 1 child, the child's portion is half of everything. If mom and 2 children, their portion is 2/3. This amount is then shared between the mother AND father in proportion to what they earn. I.e if dad earns R10 000 and mom earns R5000, then dad pays 2/3 and mom pays 1/3. School fees, extra-mural activities and medical expenses are usually stipulated separately as to who will pay what portion. One applies for a variation of an existing order by filling in the forms at the local maintenance court, either yourself or your lawyer.
The mother of my 11 year old son has met a man on the internet and intends getting married and wants to relocate with my son. She has tried to get my consent without going the legal route and is now threatening a court application. What are her chances of succeeding?
In theory she can only do what is "best for the child". And it should hardly ever be "best" for a child to be taken away from dad, his family and established school/friends/church/etc. In practice it is difficult to stop them. The court has to accept the mother is moving. It then only has to decide where the child will live. It weighs up the strength of the bond with the mother against the strength of the bond with all others (father, family, friends, school, church, etc.). Guess who mostly wins? If you refuse permission, she must apply to the High Court for permission. It can take years and cost about R20 000 or more. She will probably win, unless there are VERY GOOD reasons. If she wins (which she mostly will, they will insist on a cost order against you). The child is old enough to be heard (around 12-14 years). Where does he want to live? Often of course the mother simply moves and let you do the legal applications, which most cannot afford. And then she simply gets away with it. All this holds true even for moves overseas. In practice, many fathers also relocate to remain close to the children.
My brother has a child out of wedlock and has tried his best to give what he can to his daughter even though he doesnt have a job. All he wants is to be able to see his daughter some weekends and the mother refuses him this. She even tells the daughter to call all her boyfriends she has had daddy in front of my brother. There are a lot of issues, what can he do. He hasn't got money for a good lawyer?
He has to go to the local Office of the Family Advocate and register the case for a full investigation. It is free. The new Children's Act awarded him automatic full Parental Rights & Responsibilities, if he satisfies some criteria eg. paid maintenance and consents to be registered as the child's father. The Family Advocate MUST mediate in cases of unmarried fathers. A Parenting Plan must be drawn up which spells out his contact and responsibilities. This has then to be registered with them, or made an order of the High Court. Thereafter if she refuses access, she can be sent to jail for 12 months.
My wife is not allowing me suitable access to my kids and every time I go around she locks them away and then physically attacks me. I have video proof of these things. However I am concerned that after a artical read on your site that the Family Advocate cannot bind their recommendations?
If summons has been issued for divorce and contact is denied, then you have to apply for a Rule 43 High Court order, which stipulates interim residency, contact and maintenance. This takes about 1-2 months and costs about R15 000 with a junior advocate.
In the meantime you MUST also register the case with the local Office of the Family Advocate for them to do a full investigation and recommendation to the court for the final divorce trial. This takes anywhere from 1-2 years and is free. Their recommendations are not enforceable, but merely a guide to the High Court to help the judge decide. Only a court order is enforceable by the SAPS as criminal contempt of court.
You may also consider obtaining a Domestic Violence Interdict (Protection Order) against her for the physical attacks and verbal/emotional abuse. This is easy to obtain by filling in the forms at your local Magistrate's Office. It is free. Submit the proof that you have. If she then again commits any such acts, you simply call the cops to arrest her. Keep records and video recordings like a detective!
if a father of a illgtimate child is unemployed at the time of maintenace being worked out in court will this be laible for back pay whe employed
Depends on what the order stated. If one is unemployed at the time of a court order, surely the order could not have made him to pay anything. The order should/could state that he starts paying a certain amount when he is employed again. But how will one know how much he is going to earn. He should not be held liable for paying when he has no job/money to be able to pay. All depends on what exactly the court order states. If the order is not do-able, then he should go to the maintenance court and fill in the forms for a variation of the order.
My husband had an affair and a child was born of it. My husband has been paying maintenence for the child. The child of the mother had not asked for a raise in a long time and then suddenly pounced on us in Aug 2009. 5 months down the line she keeps changing her demands every time we go to court in terms of the maintenance. We have agreed to pay her the amount she wants in maintenance for the good of the child but she now wants us to pay all medical and school costs for the year as well as the agreed maintenence which splits the cost equally considering that my husband has to maintain his 2 children and myself from his marriage. She is also married and has 1 child. This has caused me great distress and is bringing on the trauma caused by the initial disclosure of the affair. What should we do?
The father only pays what he wants to, or as ordered by the court. If she is unreasonable in her demands, let her apply to the maintenance court for a variation each time. As for the distress, you all should get used to it and learn to deal with it, as this will continue until the child is an adult. Good luck.
hi
i have a son with a woman i was engaged to, our son lives with my inlaws in durban, and they are refusing me the right to have son come live with me in Jhb, r there any laws/acts that i can take, should i go to a family court for custody, i feel i should get preferance cause i'm the child's biological father.
See FAQ:
My brother has a child out of wedlock and has tried his best to give what he can to his daughter even though he doesnt have a job. All he wants is to be able to see his daughter some weekends and the mother refuses him this. She even tells the daughter to call all her boyfriends she has had daddy in front of my brother. There are a lot of issues, what can he do. He hasn't got money for a good lawyer?
He has to go to the local Office of the Family Advocate and register the case for a full investigation. It is free. The new Children's Act awarded him automatic full Parental Rights & Responsibilities, if he satisfies some criteria eg. paid maintenance and consents to be registered as the child's father. The Family Advocate MUST mediate in cases of unmarried fathers. A Parenting Plan must be drawn up which spells out his contact and responsibilities. This has then to be registered with them, or made an order of the High Court. Thereafter if she refuses access, she can be sent to jail for 12 months.
At what age can a child decide that he want to live with his her father. At what age do the child have say.
From sufficient "maturity" - about 12-14 years of age.
If my daughter is 12 turning 13 can she decide to come and stay with me? Her mother is battling to get her into a high school and I have many avalable in my area? What are the childrens rights?
They can choose from about this age. You will have to either reach agreement with the mother, or apply to the High Court for a variation of the existing "custody" court order with the support of the child's wishes via a psychologist.
I have a 6 year old daughter. The court awarded R500 maintenance. I can afford R800 so that is what i am paying monthly. My parents as well as my grandmother contribute as well. All in all my daughters mother is recieving R4780.00 per month maintenance from myself and my family which includes us paying complete school fees.
My question is with regards to the medical bills. She is constantly sending me doctors bills and i'm paying half the cost which is amounting to a further R1000 every other month. I believe these to be legit and want the best for my daughter but surely there must be some limit. What do you suggest here?
You are only legally expected to pay what the the court ordered. The rest is by negotiation. But be warned, if you pay far more than the court ordered, this may be used against you in future variation applications to show that you can afford to much more.
My girlfriend & I have separated after staying together for close to 4 years. We have a 16 month old daughter and they moved back to her parents'. She subsequently decided to ship the baby off to go leave with her granny (in her 70's) in Klerksdorp without even discussing it with me, when both of us are in Joburg and very much capable of bringing her up. She refuses me contact details for where the baby is, she doesn't wanna provide me with banking details for me to continue paying for the baby's needs. I have asked her countless times for us to meet and discuss how things need to work "in the best interests of the baby" to no avail. I would like to take this further, legally, where do I start?
Go to the local Office of the Family Adovate and apply for a mediation of a Parenint Plan. They MUST by law help you and it is free.
My fiance has a 19 month old son with a woman who he (and I) feel is not a capable mother. 2 weeks ago she called my fiance screaming and swearing (as usual) and telling him to fecth his son because 'she cant do this anymore'. Her boyfriend (who she lives with) then called my fiance and told him not to come and not to worry as he had 'locked her out the house as she is in no condition to look after the child and he would out Aiden to bed'.(his words..we have this on an sms.
What rights does my fiance have to remove his son from a situation that sounds unsafe? NONE! they were living together when aiden was born, Aiden has my fiances surname and my fiance pays maintenance every month...but we are unable to remove him from a potentially unstable environment as there is no legal stipulation about custody. Sure..we can go to court etc...but how long will that last? And whats happening with Aiden while the court case goes on? Is there anything we can do NOW?
You can go the local Office of the Family Advocate NOW and ask that they investigate and mediate a Parenting Plan. This is free. You can also go to the SAPS NOW if the child's welbeing is in immediate danger.
My fiances ex is demandign R5050 maintenance for their 19 mnth old son. This seems VERY extreme as we know how much his son costs...and please note..he is on my fiances medical aide...so this R5050 does not include the R600 my fiancd contributes to maintenance.
2 questions. 1. IS this extreme?
2. She is demanding he pay R1500 towards rent. She is now living with her boyfriend in HIS house....does my fiance still have to pay towards rent when its another mans home? We dont think she is even paying rent there herself! Her boyfriend has been living there for a few years so its not even a place they got together.
Thanks!
If she is unreasonable, tell her to go fly. She will have to apply to the maintenance court. They will do a full investigation of everyone's incomes and expenses and the child's needs, and then make an appropriate order. Rather that than endless fights and blackmailing from her.
I`ve a four year old son that doesn`t stay with me or his mother.
He stays with his mothers, mother(His granmother)! And i`d like for him to stay with me!! What are my rights as an unmarried father? I pay maintenance.
See our website section Important Info - Unmarried Fathers. Go the local Office of the Family Advocate and ask for a mediation of a Parenting Plan. They MUST help you and it is free.
Watter regte het 'n ongetroude pa. Mag net die mamma alleen besluite neem oor waar, wanneer en hoelank die pappa sy dogtertjie(ampe 2) mag sien?
Jy het al die reg in die wereld om ook geken te word in besluite. Maar nie alle mammas is redelik nie. Dus, gaan na die Kantoor van die Gesinsadvokaat en versoek dat hulle mediasie doen om 'n Ouerplan daar te stel. Dit is gratis.
I'm divorced but my divorce settlement agreement is very vague and has grey areas when it comes to access to my son. Through another lawyer, I done a proper Parental Plan and we submitted it to my ex-wife. She has however, refused to negotiate. Where do I go from here as I want to play a bigger role in my son's life and was misinformed at the time of my divorce.
You bring a High Court application and ask that the Plan be made an order of the court. If the plan is reasonable and the mother is not, ask the court to punish her with a cost order against her. Maybe just the thought of a cost order will scare her into being reasonable.
Hi All,
Please advise,
I have recently paid for a lawyer for access to see my 4 year old boy as the mother is now demanding more money and won’t let me see him anymore until I PAYUP, the question is that the lawyer asked for money up front and thereafter but nothing yet has happened ,she hasn’t been summonsed to court yet because the lawyer now wants more money to go ahead because the initial amount was just to set up the contract so now I’m still paying the maintenance and can’t afford to pay the lawyer so I’m stuck ,and I feel this is really unfair !,after all ,all this money I will be spending doesn’t make sense because that money should have or could have gone to my son ,but now I must pay somebody else to force her to let me see him and I just can’t carry on like this anymore (this has been going on and off like this since he has been born) I mean ,that money should really be going towards him so why do the courts even allow this to happen ,I have done nothing wrong but feel like a criminal and have to fight and pay someone else to get me rights that I as a father already should have ,really doesn’t make sense ....
You get to a point where it is a lot easier just turning your back and leaving it ,the amount of stress put on a person going through this is not funny at all, but yet the women goes through this ritual and couldn’t give a damn about anything or anyone let alone the KID involved(she automatically gets to see him all day everyday) who the law is apparently trying to protect ,how can me as a father not being able to see my own son, because of the mother ,be justified in court ??,yes if I was an abuser or drunkard or wasn’t willing to pay or help when needed, sure then I can understand ,keep that person as far away as possible ,but all I want to do is spend some time with him and be there as a father , but allot of young kids now have to grow up without that biological parent because of this same situation and how can that be a good thing ,it just saddens me ??But like I said the women go through this as if it is there right and it’s completely warped...
Really distressed and upset,
Sheldon.
Hi. If there is an existing court order in place for certain specified contact times, then simply go to her nearest SAPS and lay a CRIMINAL charge of Contempt of Court, taking a copy of the court order with, and a detailed schedule of when contact was denied.
If you are an unmarried father and there is no court order in place at present, you must register the case for full investigation and mediation at your nearest Office of the Family Advocate. You do not need a lawyer for this and it is free.
I have a court date for divorce trial starting March 3rd. I have had to ditch my lawyer and represent myself. I am looking for the possibility and paperwork to apply for the trial date to be amended. Long shot but need to make this happen. Thanks so much
You will get screwed for not knowing and abiding by the strict Rules of the Court. Which means you lose the case on technicalities, rather than merit. And you will be slapped with a cost order for her legal fees. Rethink my friend.
Hi there, is this website definately for fathers only?
My ex has left the country in 2007, has last contacted his children in 2006 and has last paid maintenance in 2005. I cannot apply for passports for my children as he is not around to sign the application form, all I know is that he is in Scotland somewhere. What am I to do. It amazes me at how many fathers out there actually want to have contact with their children as well as regulary keep up with their financial responsibilities, yet so many of the woman just want to take these men for a ride. I would give anything to have my children at least hear from their dad, even wihtout him keeping to his financial obligations, it is sad when you have to explain to them that they have not done anything wrong, but yet cannot give the kids an answer as to why their dad does not even want contact with them
We help all parents. You could apply to the court for him to be stripped of his parental rights. You could also apply via the maintenance court for reciprocal enforcement of the maintenance order via an overseas country. They could also issue an arrest warrant for when he sets foot in RSA again. Passports can be obtained if it can be shown that the father is untraceable.
My niece is now 6 years old, born out of wedlock. Regrettably my brother has been somewhat irresponsible with his life and career but has never been a bad father of any sort. Recently he was retrenched and is unable to pay maintenance. The mother has been very unreasonable since birth. She moved 150 km away and expect my brother to pay the cost as and when he can to come and see his daughter. The main question is : I have been supporting my niece with medical bills, transport cost, clothing, toys, educational toys and books and just making sure she has a happy life. My brother is not able to pay the maintenance as the moment, he has logged this with the court, but she is now demanding maintenance from me (the uncle) and won't let any of us see the little one. This is causing great distress to the little one. I am happy to pay the fees provided she starts contributing half the travel cost as she moved away. But also want the right to be able to see my niece more often. Is this unreasonable?
It is not unreasonable at all. Problem is, without a court order, you will forever be at her mercy. Maybe the money can be used to persuade her to agree to a written Parenting Plan which stipulates exactly what the contact will be and what the costs will be. Contact us steven@f4j.co.za for a pro forma plan.
We got divorced on 10 Feb 2010 and according to our settlement agreement, our daughter will be staying with me (her mom's wish) and my ex-wife will pay maintenance to the amount of R 3,000 per month. My ex-wife can not manage her expenses and already want to pay less than what the settlement agreement stated, but she wants to spend R 2,000 on herself for laser treatment, maintain all her luxuries and get drunk in pubs, etc. (And she spent R 60,000 on herself between Christmas and 15 Jan 2010, leaving me with huge amounts of credit card debt). After the attorney fees for the divorce, I can not afford another attorney for maintenance issues - what can / should I do?
Thank God you have your daughter with you. Most other fathers will give their left arm for the priviledge. A maintenance case you could do yourself at the local maintenance court by filling in the simple forms with the help of their clerks and tell your story yourself to the magistrate at the inquiry. Easy as pie.
My Little girl is 8 years old, she was born out of wedlock, so she was given her mothers maiden name, the mother has now Married another man, and had another baby, she says she has changed my Little girls Surname to her new married surname, even after i have requested that she be given my Surname, she is fully aware that i do not agree to the change of surname to the mother new married name. Can she change my little girls surname with out my consent? Is it Legal???
Since you were unmarried and your name probably did not appear on the birth register, she may change the surname. In reality this is often the case, as the new family does not want to have 3 different surnames in 1 household. There is some merit in it. Bitter pill to have to swallow for an involved father.
My sons mother has approached her lawyer as she wants to prevent me from picking him up every second weekend, as he (my son - 2 1/2 years old) is going through a "phase" of pottie training and she says she does not want to disrupt his routine. I pay maintanence every month without fail. My son has been coming to me every alternate weekend for the past 6 months.Can she do this? That is prevent me from picking him up when it is my weekend?
If she wants to change anything to the existing court order, she has to apply for a variation order at the court. Neither she, nor her attorney can alter a court order. If they do, you should lay CRIMINAL charges of Contempt of Court at her nearest SAPS and push them to prosecute. Also report the attorney to his Law Society for unethical conduct.
I earn R11 000 a month and my child is costing me R5000 a month. i have an great lawyer but cunt afford to go to a maintenance court to get the maintenance lower. what do i do?
You do the application yourself at the local maintenance court with the help of the clerks. But have a GOOD reason for the reduction!!!!!
my ex wife baptized my child with out telling me and if my child is ill she wont tell me but i am paying the medical for my child.most of the time when i ask how my child is doing she wont even answer my sms. what can i do
Make use of the contact as per the existing order and forget about the mother's actions. Bad people will remain bad.
How is the "primary caretaker of the children" being determined? Does this default to the mother? I have a son (6) and daughter (1), the son being from a previous relationship of hers (I have not adopted him, yet care and love him as if he was my own as I took on the role since he was 1 and a half years old). I do a full day's work, come home and do the cooking, play with the kids, help with homework and the dishes, do washing at times ect, ect. I have changed my daughters nappies 90% of the time, wake up for feeding bottles 90% of the time while my wife takes long baths, watch television ect. She also takes classes to further her studies and goes to class on saturdays, and she goes out on social calls more than I ever have - I don't mind, I love spending the time with our kids, but I do not consider her the primary caretaker! Am I wrong? Any advice on the matter - divorce has come to my doorstep, I suspect a summons from her laywer very soon.
Once the divorce summons is issued, the matter is referred by yourself to the local Office of the Family Advocate for full investigation. They then make a final recommendation as to who should be the primary caregiver, etc. In practice, it is always the mother, unless she does not want to be.
My ex husband and I were divorced 16 years ago, in our court order he was ordered to pay R150 per child per month - maintenance and R300 per month - towards schooling, can you believe the amounts!!! To date he has only ever paid about R3000 in total. My sons are now 22 and 20, what do I do to claim back all the arrear maintenance??? He is always unemployed or self-employed and just says he has no money!!! At this stage I am happy to have him locked up. Please advise
Forget about it. It is not worth souring your life for another few years. Move on with happier things. And let him answer to God one day.
I am in the process of divorce, I work at a Private School where my children get to attend at 25% of the normal rate to cover variable costs. My ex is now saying she can't stay here any more, White River / Nelspruit, and is dictating that she is moving them to Jhb and into a government school at double the price. Forgetting the lifestyle etc for a minute, the fact that I to have a home that can provide more than adequately for them, I work at their school and can fetch and carry with ease - can she just do this and how do you stop it. I would like the children assessed first to make sure they're comfortable, how do I do this before she's allowed to move and will the courts just waive an incredible lifestyle and private education because "children should be with mom"? It's absurd what my children will lose because mom wants to go.
Depending on how old the children are and what their expressed wishes are, you may well succeed in keeping them there. Urgent legal steps would be needed to "force" the mother not to relocate before a full forensic custody evaluation is done.
Simple question, when I ask my ex for the monthly expense for our daughter, and I support my daughter financially 100% including 100% medical, does she have a right to refuse to devulge the information? If I discover that the amount being paid for the childs maintenance far exceeds the childs monthly "cost", how do I go about stopping her from pocketing the money meant for the child? Would it be possible to place the excess maintenance in a fund for the child?
Thanks
You have to pay exactly what the existing maintenance order stipulates. You are entitled to the expenses of the child from time to time. If she refuses, you could apply at the Maintenance Court for a variation order, thereby obtaining full disclosure of her income and all expenses.
My hubby's ex refuses any contact with his 13 year old son. They don't answer their phone when we call. Hubby has to phone the school to talk to him on Friday, but sometimes he can't get hold of him at all. The son wants to come and stay with us, but his mother said NO. The son lived with us for a year, but was taken back the end of the year, because we apparently didn't look after him well enough. We live in Pretoria and they in KZN. Hubby pay maintenance on time every month. We suspect that she has borderline personality disorder, all the symptoms is applicable. Ex and step dad have a child (boy) together that seemingly does nothing wrong. The son seems to be unhappy with them, he is always in trouble and the step father has to punish him (by hitting with belt) on a regurlar basis. We worry about this. The way the step dad speaks about it, almost seems as if he is enjoying it. We can not afford long drawn out court procedures. What are we to do?
If she refuses contact as per the existing court order, lay a CRIMINAL charge Contempt of Court at the SAPS and push them to prosecute. As for a change in primary residency, the child is old enough to be heard. But it will need a court application and support by a child psychologist.
Hi
I just wanted to find out if a person can be liable for back pay in
maintenance? Say my son is Four and i didn`t pay maintenance for the first Two year due to a paternity dispute. As soon as i had proof the he was my son i started paying maintenance?
Yes.
I have never known to have a daughter till one of my school friends contacted me on facebook and let me know via a sms that I have a 12 years old daughter with her. I emmediatelly wanted to see her and did not first the first 6 months before she agreed to send the daughter from cape town to durban to see me alone? She adviced me that we should not do a DNA cause its to traumatic for the child. During this time it got exposed how she lied to me abt many things and then demanded a DNA and she refused and refused the child to have contact with me. It was very hard for me to comply developed huge stress, high blood pressure. Its been very traumaticfor me and the child and now she has decided for us to have contact again. This mom is n ot stable and not rigt for this child she is heavily overweight and dominates as she pleases, what are my rights regarding this?
You should register the case for full investigation with your local Office of the Family Advocate. They will then make a recommendation regarding residence and contact with the child. This you should then make an order of the court, so as to force the mother to comply.
A mother of a child cannot just decide to keep her pregancy a secret have the child and then decides to after 12 years disclose it to the father??? This is absolutely insane, what type of mother would for no reason keep the child away from the father. Mothers cant think they are God and this is exactly what the case is here and after 12 years come and dictate what my resposibilities is to that child. I think this mother should pay me lost time with my daughter for all these years , where do we draw the line here, can mother just get away with murder here , there must be something i can do about this???? What rights do I have against her for doing such a thing or am i just unlycky to be the male in this case,..
Make sure it is your child! Thereafter enjoy the relationship and let the mother answer to God one day.
Our divorce settlement stipulates that if I dont have work I dont have to pay maintenance until I have work again. My maintenance payments are R6000 p/m for two children plus I pay halve the school fees, clothes, extra murals etc. I am a contractor and when I dont have work my ex insits on maintenance, which I then normally pay her halve of what I have to pay monthly. I also paid the school fees in full last year cause she threatened to file for more maintenance if I didnt pay it. The first time I couldnt pay maintenance she t witheld the kids from me and when I told her I would have her arrested she told the kids and my daughter was so upset she just cried when I picked her up. Now when I couldnt pay again, only the 2nd month is 9 years I didnt pay her anything she tells the kids she cant do anything for them cause I dont pay maintenance. What should I do as I feel bad every time she tells the kids I cant pay and she cant give thjem anything?
Here's the problem: If you dont have work and dont pay the maintenance, does that mean the children must not eat? Clearly not a workable option. If you cannot adhere to the maintenance order, you should apply for a variation, before you end up in jail!!
My ex and I divorced some 12 years ago. I have custody of both kids (my son will be 24 soon and my daughter has just turned 19). My son is studying (LLB Law) and my daughter having just matriculated is doing her diploma in hairdressing. My ex has refused to continue assisting me financiall (he was giving me R2000 per month) because of their ages. The fact that they're over 18 now surely does not mean that I feed them any less ?? I am carrying the can on my own. Can I approach a court and insist that he continues to help me until they're finished their degree/diploma?
Absolutely, he has to continue with the maintenance until they become self-supporting.
I have access to my two sons aged 13 & 15 every weekend on alternating days for a 24 hour period. It is part of my divorce order. If my ex-wife is manipulating my children not to see me what can I do about this? I make arrangements with the children to collect them, but shortly before I am due ot collect them they sms to cancel with no reason given except to say they dont want to come. Please assist as she has been asked to facilitate visitation through mutual attorneys however is not coming to the party.
It will be virtually impossible to make teenagers do something they do not wish to do. Let it go. Be nice and polite and wait for them to come out of the own free will. Legal action will get you nowhere.
When it comes to calculating Maintanance - Does the school fees and medical also get split up between the parents like the other expences?
All expenses are divided pro rata between the parents. The court order must specifically stipulate exactly who pays what and what portion.
I have been estranged from my children for13yrs after my wife left me for another man and i lost touch and moved to UK (I was british born) I have re cently been back in contact with my 3 children and learnt my exwife died 6mths ago leaving my 15yr old son with a controlling, abusive stepfather, he was not adopted by him but she left guardianship to him in her will, my son wants out and I want him back, have I any rights?
Yes, a court will more than likely allow his wishes at age 15 years. Either you and the stepfather mutually agree, or you must bring a High Court application.
Hi, I'm divorced for nearly 2 years, and have joint custody of my son, and get to see him every 2nd weekend. I pick him up from preschool on a Friday evening, and take him back home on a Sunday afternoon. However, my question is, whereto should I take him back - to his mother's home (as I would think is the rightful thing to do), or should I take him back to where ever she is for the day (maybe visiting a boyfriend in another city)? I don't see that I have to drive around where ever she is for the day. I need to take him back to her, and that would mean back to her house. Am I correct, or not?
Yes, that sounds correct. Within reason. Dont be too hard-arsed, otherwise you might face refusal of access. I drop my daughter off wherever the mom is within a reasonable distance. If mom is out of town, I arrange the mother to fetch her from me.
Divorced 4 years; Mother has sole custody; Dad made minimal contact and minimal maintenance; Children at time aged 3 and 5 now 7 and 9; can father now get more visitation like overnight stays etc;who decides this as mother has sole custody is she responsible to say how much time or does the court decide
As the children get older, of course more visitation should be introduced. The parents should try and agree and be reasonable. If not, a court order and costs should be obtained against the unreasonable parent.
I am divorced and a maintenance order is in place. However since the divorce I moved overseas but have continued to meet my obligations. I have recently been made redundant but have been receiving unemployment benefits, however these are well below what my income was at the time of the divorce. I need to make an application for a variation of the maintenance order but dont know how to go about this while living overseas as if I was still living in South Africa I could approach the magistrates court. I have tried to come to an arrangement with the ex wife but she does not want to understand even though her financial position has improved since the divorce i.e. increased salary, company car e.t.a.
You have to either personally or via a lawyer apply at the local Maintenance Court.
Goeie dag
My seun was verloof aan 'n meisie. Sy het haar wek op gegee, want volgens haar was sy moeg om vir haar baas te werk oor die ure en salaris. Na 'n paar maande het sy swanger geword. Van die begin afwassy baie mislik teenoor my seun asof dit net hy is wat verantwoordelik is vir die swangerskap. Hy het die swangerskap fooi betaalwat die Dr wou gehad het en ook 'n uitstaande rekening van die Dr. Na sy terug gekom het van vakansie af het sy opgebreek met my seun. Hy het nog steeds waneer werk hom toelaat, na Dr's afsprake gegaan. Die kleintjie word nou die 6de April gebore. Sy het vir my seun gesê dat hy moet nie dink dat hy enigsins die dogtertjie gaan sien nie en dat sy hom gaan dagvaar. Hy het van die begin af gesê dat hy vir die kleintjie gaan sorg. Sy wil hê dat hy vir alles moet betaal. Hy het 'n medies en wil die kleintjie op sy fonds sit. Die ma wil nie dat die kleintjie sy van hê nie en sê hom die heeltyd hy moet dit koop en moet dat betaal. Sy het 'n uitstaande bloedtoets van haarself. Is my seun verantwoordelik vir die betaling van die toets. Hy wil graag sy kleintjie sien as sy gebore is, maar die ma wil hom nie toelaat nie. Mag hy darop aandring. Sy dreig net die heeltyd met 'n prokureer. Sy werk glad nie en is baie depresief, haar ma is ook baie depresief en werk nie en haar pa is slegs 'n sekuriteit wag. Ek weet nie wat gaan van my kleinkind word nie. Moet my seun al die onkostes van die kleintjie dra of moet die ma ook haar kant bring. My seun kry nie 'n grot salaris nie. Jammer oor die lang brief.
Jou seun hoef net redelik by te drae tot kostes. En hou rekord om later te bewys hy was betrokke. Hy het die volste reg om 'n volle verhouding met die kind te mag handhaaf. Hy moet die saak by die Kantoor van die Gesinsadvokaat aanhangig maak. Hulle sal volle ondersoek instel en dan 'n aanbeveling maak van waar die kind moet woon en watter toegang wie moet kry.
My 3 yr old son complained that my ex-wife's new boyfriend was beating him. What recourse do I have to deal with this issue. I want to apply for custody of my son.
The police deals with child abuse. As for residency changes, a High Court order will be needed.
Herewith my story
21/01/2007 We broke up and my ex wife chased me out of our Home in Petit Benoni. I went to stay with my brother in Boksburg.
My ex wife informed me a week later that she has moved (and sold all our belongings – without my knowledge or consent) to her mother’s house in Hammanskraal.
For 2 months I was not able to see my children, because her mother didn’t want me near their property.
Meanwhile I found out that my eldest son, was not living with his mother, but with her sister in Benoni and that he still attended the same school. (She lied about his whereabouts) I immediately visited him at the school’s aftercare in Boksburg, when I found out. My ex wife found out about this and removed him from the school and relocated him to Carletonville (Where her other sister lives) This was done without my consent or knowledge at the time.
End of March 2007 I went to visit my children in Hammanskraal . I was only allowed to see the youngest two I was then informed that my eldest is in Carletonville. My ex wife blackmailed me and said if I do not pay her money – I cannot see my children. On these visits to Hammanskraal my ex wife insisted that I take them to restaurants and “treat” them, even though she knew that I was unemployed. I visited my youngest children 3 times under these circumstances whilst my ex wife still refused me access to my eldest son.
In June 2007 I phoned to speak to my children again and was informed that they have moved to Tzaneen with my children. Again this was done without my prior knowledge or concent.
For 6 months I couldn’t see my children at all, because she moved so far away (700 km – Round Trip) She said that I am allowed to see them, but only under her supervision and only for a day – I could not take them home for a weekend or holiday. This was very unreasonable.
December 2007 my ex wife agreed that my children can visit me for 2 weeks, except the youngest, which she only allowed me to take him for the 2 weekends during the 2 weeks.
Beginning of 2008 I was allowed to see my children on a regular basis (1 or 2 weekends per month) as she moved back to Hammanskraal.
4 September 2008 my divorce was finalized.
16 November 2008 was the last time I was allowed to have any access to my children for that year, because I got married on 20 November 2008 and once she knew this – ALL access to my children was denied. When I tried to phone – she would not answer, the children would be sleeping or the children would conveniently not be there with her. All my efforts were futile. Twice I even bought a cellphone for my son – but he was not allowed to use it. When my wife gave my eldest son a contract – my ex wife abused it and used all the airtime (It was MTN Top-up) When I confronted her – she said that she used it to find work. When we gave him a prepaid phone – the phone was always switched off and my son says that my ex wife forbid him to use it.
When I eventually was able to speak to them (which was very seldom) she would always start an argument and control what the children should and shouldn’t say.
11 December 2008 I requested to see the children, but she refused. I told her that she was disobeying a court order – She just laughed.
I went to the Hammanskraal Police Station and the Police escorted me to my ex wife’s place of residence. My ex wife and her parents swore at us and chased us off the property. My ex wife informed me that I have NO RIGHTS to the children and “reasonable access” according to her is a phone call and not physical access. She refused that I see the children.
17 December 2008 I made use of an attorney to send her a letter reminding her of my right to access
She still refused access. During the December 2008 Holidays I tried on numerous occasions to phone the children, but my phone calls were not answered. When she eventually answered I was denied access to the children.
On numerous occasions since the breakup – she threatened to take the children and disappear and for a while I was intimidated by this, but I did some investigation and was informed about my rights.
14 January 2009 (19:36) I contacted my ex wife again and was allowed to speak to the children. My eldest was very distant and told me that they are not allowed to say that they miss me.
After this phone call – any attempts I made to speak to them was futile.
During this time, I tried to consult a number of legal entities for help – but to no avail – I did not have the financial resources to hire a lawyer or attorney, let alone a High Court application to enforce my rights.
21 March 2009 After Many attempt to get access, I eventually went back to Hammanskraal Police station. The inspector phoned my ex wife and she still refused access so he told her that I will be completing the relevant paper work, because she is in deliberately disobeying a Court Order. While I was busy completing the forms, her Manager phoned and spoke to me. He said that she is in tears and asked if we could please sort this out amicably. I agreed and took the Court Order and Settlement to him. While I was in his office with my ex wife, he phoned his lawyer and the lawyer said that she doesn’t have the right to refuse me access. She then agreed that I could see the children every second weekend.
During the April 2009 Holiday period – I was only allowed to have my children from 3 April 2009 (at 15:00) until 5 April 2009 (at 16:00), not for the whole holiday.
I was allowed to see my children every second weekend
17 July 2009 – Access was refused again. I then opened a case at the Hammanskraal Police Station.
After this occurrence – I was all of a sudden allowed access again. Because of this I told the Inspector to not continue, because I thought that she had come to her senses and realised that she could not just disobey a Court Order.
I did not have my children the school holiday (24 September 2009 – 4 October 2009) prior to the December 2009 Holiday.
I was employed by at a company on a contract basis on the 15th of October 2009. I work on a project and we work extended hours and weekends. My wife communicated this to my ex wife on the 30th of November 2009 and even attached a letter from my employer confirming my working hours. I only have one weekend off per month and she refuses that anyone else fetches the children. Hence I can only fetch the children once a month.
My working hours are from 7H00 t0 17H30 Monday to Saturday, but even with the letter from my employer she insists that I fetch the children at 15H00 on the Friday and return them the Sunday at 16H00. My wife tried to reason with her, because my work is of such a nature that I cannot easily take time off, but she refused.
She tried again to refuse me access during the December 2009 School Holidays and wanted to know EVERYTHING (When, Where, With Whom, How long etc) about our planned holiday. We humoured her and gave her all the details. She gave us permission to take the children for the first half of the holiday. She also gave permission for THIS TIME ONLY to let my wife fetch the children. I had the children from 15 December 2009 until 1 January 2010.
29 January 2010 I had my children from 29 January 2010 (15:00) until 31 January (16:00)
24 February 2010 Our vehicle went in for Clutch and Pressure plate replacement at a Gearbox Repair Centre. The repair took longer than they estimated and the vehicle was only fixed on Saturday. They promised that the vehicle will be ready in time for me to collect my children, but while I was waiting there – they informed me that they experienced another setback and the vehicle will not be fixed in time – I immediately informed my ex wife and apologized, she was very upset and rude. I was very disappointed, because I really looked forward to seeing my children.
As you can see:
My ex wife had the children for the April 2009 holidays and the holiday (24 September 2009 – 4 October 2009) before the December 2009 school holiday. Thus it should be my turn to have my children.
I have planned a birthday party for my daughter on the 3rd of April 2010, because according the settlement and if you work it out – It is my Holiday with them. According to her all 3 children are going for tonsil operations during the holidays and I offered to take the children for the operations at the hospital, but she still refuses to give me the details. – Surely I have a right as the father to be informed of this??
My wife has included the children on our medical aid (effective 1 March 2010) – there are no waiting periods, but my ex wife still wants to take them to a Government Hospital.
My ex wife refuses me the right to be properly involved in my children’s lives, she withholds important information about schools, operations, or when the children are ill or hurt etc. (She doesn’t even want me to have a copy of the report card)
The children are forced to lie and I do not want my children to be used as pawns or as part of a vendetta.
Please could you advise on what I can do to obtain regular telephone contact with my children. I am prepared to buy another cell phone for my eldest son, but how can I make sure that the phone will be on and that I am able to phone him – “say between 17:00 and 19:00”? I also do not want her to abuse his airtime, for personal reasons or just plain spitefulness....
I was in arrears with maintenance (because I was unemployed), but I am paying monthly the calculated amount and extra (as agreed with the Maintenance Court in Pretoria North) to catch up on the arrears.
Thanks for all your assistance.
Have her locked up if she refuses access. As for the telephone contact, unless the court order clearly stipulates that, how can you force her to ensure the kids are close to a phone? Either another court order, or go the police route for that as well.
My verloofde se dogetjie 3 jaar bly al 2.5 jaar by ons nadat haar ma nie na haar kon kyk.Toe ons haar gaan haal het,het sy n suk papier geteken wat hom toestemming gee dat die kind by ons bly.Sy dra glad nie finansieel by nie en het geen stabiliteit in haar lewe nie.Ons het wel besluit dat sy haar elke 2de naweek kan sien.Dit het wel tot nou gebeur.Weens n dissipline en roetine probleem het hy besluit dat sy nie meer na haar kan gaan nie.Watter regt het hy on die kind te hou.Ons het die kind gaan haal toe sy 8 maande was en sy was erg verwaarloos,en sy bly al van dan met ons.Sy wil nou dreig om due kind te kom haal. Asb gee advies.
Ek dink julle moet weier en haar slegs die kind onder streng toesig laat sien weens die gevaar van "ontvoering". Terselfdertyd sal dit nodig weens om 'n formele hofbevel te kry wat haar in julle sorg plaas,
My soon to be devorced wife's, new boyfriend is diseplining my 6 year old daugher by hitting her. What can I do about this?
Lay a charge of abuse with the police.
I have a 3year ols son with my ex-wife we got divorced while she was pregnant i only found out she was preganant the day of the divorce i pay maintanace every month but i am not allowed to see or call my son i only saw him once and that was it, i seeked help @ the Legal aid board everything went fine for me to have visitation rights but the case never apreared in court i contatted them in Jan this year and was told i will have to re-apply my son is turning 4 this year April and i wanted to spend his bithday with him but will not be able to is their any way that you can assist me in getting visitation rights i am desperate @ this stage please.
You are entitled to whatever the divorce order stipulates. If she refuses, lay a criminal charge of contempt of court with the police. If the divorce order did not mention anything about a child, then you will have to obtain a new court order.
My huband ex wife was awarded sole custody when they got divorced i think 9 years ago, I met him a year later and we got married the kids have been living with us since his divorce, The mother only about a year ago started paying maintence R800 for both kids cause she says cant afford more and has them on her medical aid, we are now looking at emigration the kids are aged eight and thirteen and the thirteen year old duaghter want to move with us what are our rights , cause we want to take them with??
Sorry, we do not encourage children being separated from their parents for any reason whatsoever. As such, we condemn emigrations when there are young children involved. You would not have liked to have this done to you when you were little, so why are you doing it to these children???
Hi,i was married according to islamic tradition with my wife.we have the most beautiful 5month old baby.My ex now stays with her wealthy parents.what rights do i have over my boy?i want to see him everyday as i need him and he needs me too.i must admit that he needs his mom too.I want to be able to take him to my family functions and see him whenever i can.can i get weekends with him or is he too young?also i am a flight attendant and am home sometime during the week.can i have my son during the day when his mom is at work?does she have to dictate to me when i can see my boy or can i also have a say?if so how do i go about it?
You register the case with the Office of the Family Advocate for full investigation and recommendation. Thereafter you make it an order of the court.
Ek is 3 jaar geskei en het 'n tweeling (seun en dogter) van 8. Hulle Ma het einde verlede jaar Kaapstad toe getrek wat 150km van my af is. Die kinders is baie ongelukkig daar en wil terug trek hierheen en by my kom bly. Ek het hulle Ma gevra of daar 'n moontlikheid is dat so iets dalk eendag kan gebeur, maar haar reaksie was dat daar geen kans is nie en dat ek moet ophou om hulle te intimideer. Dit is beslis nie die geval nie. Ek was ingelig dat die nuwe kinderwet wat vanaf 1 April 2010 gewysig is en dat kinders vanaf 9 jaar kan kies waar hulle wil bly. Is die informasie korrek? Ek sou dit ook waardeer as julle kan help met wat my nou te doen staan.
Die hof sal eers na kinders luister teen omtrent 12+ jaar. Jy moet hulle maar so veel as moontlik probeer sien. Of verhuis ook soontoe.
i live in ireland but was born in south africa i married and had two children but we divorced she remarried and i moved to ireland she died recently my children are 12 and 13 years of age, how do i go about getting custody of my two children and getting them to ireland?
The stepfather does not really have any legal rights over the children. In theory, you could fetch them. If there are any objections, you will need to apply to our High Court.
My ex-wife and her new husband have fabriated cases against me and are using these cases to totally restrict my access and rights to my 4year old son. I have proof that they have fabricated these cases. I am also subjected to verbally abusive telephone calls when attempting to cantact my child. They intimidate my son when he we communicate and the new husband has taken the phone that i have provided and smashed it agianst the wall1 We have been to the Family Adv office on the 01.03.2010, and they suggested that we see a Clinical Pyschologist and to date nothing has happened. She has removed my son from school,changed her residential address,and made major life altering decision pertaining to my son without informing or including me in his life. I have tried every possible alternative and still end up in limbo! What can i do and who do i speak to from F4J that can help me? I need guidence and someone needs to see the severity of this situation. There are allot of other incidents that i did not mention that clearly illustrates that my ex-wife and her new husband are very vindictive and simply do not care for what is in the childs best interest.
I need help...
I am fighting for custody and that process is taking to long now, it has been almost two years!
You simply have to finish with the Family Advocate and then make their recommendation a court order. There is no other way. If you have proof of abuse, go to the police.
What are the rights and procedures for divorce and visitation rights for a father who's child and wife are now in the UK? Whtat can the father do from south africa to get visitation rights and the divorce?
You will have to follow the normal procedure for the divorce and visitation rights through our courts.
i know this is a site for fathers who are fighting for their rights, i am fighting that my soon to be ex-husband not only is entitled to his rights as a father but acts apon them. I have a 2 year old daughter and i have offered her father joint custody as well as a detailed parent plan in which he has accees to our daughter twice a week after school for 2 hrs and every Sat for the day, all the while he is only paying a mere R500 maintnance. All that i request is that he remain civil towards me and all contact between us is only due to our daughter, times of visitation is adhered to and should he require changes to please notify me timeously, contact with family members are welcomed but no drinking or male friends are allowed while our daughter visits him, I do not want him in my life but respect that he wants to be in our daughters but this offer has been thrown in my face and now i'm being dragged into court as he wants unlimited access, with no stipulations or custody of our daughter. I really cannot afford to go to court and would not like to know if i am being unreasonable, he has many a time threatened to steal my daughter, that is why i have become so strict on his visitation, is there anyway you can assist me to help this man see reason, counselling before i end up in court ?
Simply go and register the case with the local Office of the Family Advocate. They will do a free full investigation and recommendation, which the courts then usually accept. A difficult father will quickly be cut down to size by them.
I am in the process of divorcing my wife and she’s been badmouthing me to friends in the presence of our 3 year old daughter - false accusations abuse, alcoholism, etc. She denied making these accusations when I initially confronted her, but then claimed they were true after some friends confirmed what she’d been saying.. The problem is that the allegations are from behind closed doors and it will basically end up with my word against hers – I’m not that concerned about what she’s saying about me rather than the impact this might have on my relationship with my daughter - any advice on how to deal with this situation please?
Get affidavits from the people she is saying such things to and obtain a Domestic Violence Interdict against her for emotional and verbal abuse from your local magistrate's court.
My dogter is ongeveer 3 jaar gelede haar huis verlaat en geskei weens fisiese en emosionele aanranding op haar oor 'n lang ty. Die prokureur het aanbeveel dat die 2 seuns - 2ling by hul pa bly. Die egskeidingsbevel word nie deur die pa nagekom nie en hy doen alles in sy vermoe om die kinders teen haar op te maak en te verhoed dat sy hulle sien. Hy wil ook nie sy adres gee sodat 'n dagvaarding op hom uitgereik kan word nie. Hoe hanteer 'n mens so 'n situasie. Enige oplossing sonder om baie regs koste te bestee. Dankie
Dien 'n kriminele klagte van Minagting van die Hof in by sy naaste SAPS vir beide die kontakweiering en adresweiering en dring aan dat hulle hom vervolg. 12-Maande tronkstraf of boete geldig.
Good day, my brother's son is 12 years old. His mother left the house and left him there with his father, as she asked him the day she left if he wanted to go with her or stay with his dad. He said he wanted to stay with his dad. Two weeks later he received a summons from her attorney and now suddenly she wants the child with full custody as well as R4.000 maintenance per month for the child, as well as R2.000 for a year for herself. And other cash demands. But the thing that stresses me, can she take the child now?? If he does not want to stay with her?? Is he old enough to make a decision of where he wants to stay?
He certainly is old enough. If the child refuses to go, the father must simply oppose any action brought by the mother. If the SAPS shows up, the child must inform them clearly of his wishes and they should respect that. It is a CIVIL matter for the courts to decide. The High Court will then decide where he will stay and who pays what.
I have been divorced for almost seven years. The past two years I've been without a job and could not afford maintenance the whole time and the odd jobs I had the past two years was not permanent and currently I'm unemployed. My Ex-wife has been keeping my 12yr old son from me for two years where he use to come and stay with me in school holidays, We have a very good father son relationship and he used to call me every weekend before I wake up. Now for the past seven week we did not have contact and I have tried his cellphone but his mother says he doesn't have one anymore. When I asked to speak to him she's got allsorts of excuses. I have left messages, sms's voice messages and called numerous times, but she now don't answer at all.
What is my rights as a father, we have joined custody, but I have not seen my son for very long.(two years) And now I have not spoken to my son in over six weeks. Please let me know what I can do, I do not have money to go to a lawyer and fight for my right to see him.
Take your divorce court order and lay a CRIMINAL charge of Contempt of Court against her at her nearest police station. Do this EVERY time contact is refused. Push the SAPS to prosecute her. There is 12-months jail or R20 000 fine for this kind of criminal behaviour. Maintenance has nothing to do with contact. They are 2 separate issues.
My husband had an affair and a child was born of it. The mother has been unemployed for the last 11mths. She is currently staying in a flat we own, he pays maintenance and we make sure that "our" daughter has clothes and food. The mother is not doing anything to get a job and at time refuses that we see the child on weekends. She always has money for cigarettes and food for a bird. Is there any way we can get custody of the child?
Sure. The father will have to bring a High Court application for residency to be awarded to him supported by evidence and expert testimony from psychologists, social workers, etc. There will have to be compelling reasons clearly proven.
My wife and i are seperated and i soon have to appear in court for maintanance... question is. Do i still have to pay her rent " my ex home" and do i still have to pay her car wich is on my name?
Depends on what is fair. If she is employed and earns as much as you do, can't see why you should. If she cooked and cleaned for you all her life, then you will have to support her for a while until she becomes self-supporting.
my fiances ex wife wont allow him to get involved in the childs life, for example his school or any other problems but yet the child has problems and when we find out she blasts him and tells him off. he is really a good dad and i need to know what is his rights. he pays maintance and medical aid for the child and pays for anything the child needs. she wants to keep the child away from him and wont allow him to comment on anything in the childs life. i need to find out his rights as a divorced father in order to help the child.
He can insist on that which is stipulated in his divorce order by laying criminal charges of contempt of court at her local police station.
If me ex-wife moves away to a different province how does it affect my court order regarding visitation. I will now not be able to see them every second weekend and half of each school holidays as well as the new agreed visitation arrangements. This would inhibit me to see them as agreed.
You should negotiate a new schedule taking into account the distances. If she is unreasonable, a new court order will be needed. Or relocate as well.
My daughter is almost 8 years old. Her biological father left us when she was 6 wks old. He flitted in and out of her life untl she was almost 3, then decided he never wanted to see her again. He contact me over a year later and then nothin for about 3 and a half years. He now wants access, hasn't paid maintenance, never asked to speak to her etc. I live with my fiance, very stable environment for both our daughters. What are his chances?
If you refuse contact, he will have to convince a High Court that it will be in the best interest of the child to have some form of contact with him. At the hearing, you will have the opportunity to argue why he should not. Sometimes we all make mistakes. If he admits to his mistake and genuinely wants to make up for it, maybe the child can benefit from getting to know her father?
My ex daughter-in-law currently gets R 4000pm in maintenance. She has now recalculated the 2 childrens(boys 4 & 2) cost and claims she needs R 11 000pm. She now wants to sue me for the balance (paternal grandfather) while living in a R12 000pm house (her fathers) with Mnet, fulltime maid etc. She is a school teacher. Does this sound right
The paternal grandparents can be sued if the father is unable to pay. As for the amount, this is carefully calculated based on the actual proven expenses of the children. She is of course free to claim any stupid exorbitant amount, but she will have to convince a court, and that will not be so easy. You must simply oppose the application, request all relevent financial information from her eg. salary slips, bank statements, tax returns, etc . for last 5 years. Plus of course documentary proof of all expenses. Then you attack and disprove each and every unreasonable amount and make her out as a liar who wishes to enrich herself through child maintenance. If you are unable to take on the fight yourself, get a good attorney.
What is the ruling of babies under 1 year? If the father and I are not married, can he force me to let my son sleep over at him every second weekend?I don't mind him seeing the child,but feel that he is to young to sleep over(9 months).The granddad also insists on me bringing my child to them every two weekends.I offered that they come and visit us weekends,but he(granddad) refused and said that he will spend time with him in his own house.He threatened to come and take my son if I do not give in.Is he allowed to do that?We live in different cities.
Try and be reasonable. Many toddlers sleep over in the care of other family members - why not his father? Just as much as you like to cuddle up to your son at night, just as much the father likes to cuddle up to his son at night. Make a plan and compromise so that everybody can enjoy happiness for the benefit of the child. At the same time, try and accommodate the grandparents by being reasonable. We like to see one big happy family - mom, dad, family, and friends.
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